Paying for tuition, passing calculus, avoiding the freshman fifteen, picking a major…a college student’s list of challenges is endless. Many of these obstacles, however, pale in comparison to the trying task of finding a way to get along with your college roommate. Whether you’re stuck together in a closet-size dorm room or you share an apartment or house off-campus, virtually every college student will eventually find out what it’s like to have the roommate experience. Especially for those who have never lived with a roommate before, this experience isn’t always a pleasant one. In fact, if you have a serious mismatch, the roommate experience can be downright traumatizing. But there is hope. To help you survive the encounter, we’ve put together a foolproof guide on dealing with roommates.
Communicate. It may sound trite, but as with so many relationships, effective and assertive communication is essential with roommates. An open channel of communication lessens the number of misunderstandings and thus also reduces conflict. For example, when your roommate does something that really bothers you, make a point to call a meeting about it when neither of you is tired, angry, or hungry. Letting every irritation go unspoken foments resentment, which will only result in bigger problems down the road. Remember not to be petty, though; a part of living with other people is having enough tolerance to let the small things slide.
Respect pet peeves. Everyone has idiosyncrasies, quirks, and pet peeves that may seem insignificant or trivial to others, but they mean everything to the person who harbors them. For example, you may have a real issue with people touching or borrowing your personal belongings. In that case, it’s your responsibility to make this clear to your roommate up front, and, quid pro quo, to give your roommate’s pet peeves the same respect. When you first meet, try exchanging your top three pet peeves to save yourself the turmoil later.
Give the benefit of the doubt. Much ill-will and resentment stems from the bad habit of assuming the worst of your roommate all the time. For example, if he/she blasts Metallica when you are trying to study, you might think it’s a sinister plot to annoy you until you teeter on the brink of insanity. In reality, though, most roommates’ annoying habits are just things they’ve carried over from life with their family of origin, not intentional efforts to irritate you. Confront your roommate on these issues in a tactful and non-aggressive way, keeping in mind that they are probably just unaware of how their actions are affecting you.
Remember the big picture. Trying to change habits that someone has practiced for 18-22 years or more is a daunting and most likely impossible task. For example, you might prefer cleanliness and order, but your roommate insists on leaving his/her dishes piled in the sink for days. If you’ve already tried the caring confrontation approach on this issue to no avail, then you’re going to have to adapt somehow. You can either do the dishes yourself, learn to ignore them, or move out. As you contemplate that last option, though, remember the time, effort, and expense that moving out takes. Ask yourself if a few dirty dishes are really worth all that trouble in the big picture.
